Dark
by twent47blue
Summary: There comes a point when one decided to give up, when you really have to let the other know what they really mean to you. This is Yuki's way of showing Shuichi how much he really meant. These boys ain't mine.Characters are OOC.
1. Chapter 1

The last thing I said to him was I hate you. Shuichi could get to me sometimes and most of the time I don't know what to do about him. But one thing I love about that boy is no matter how I drove him away, he still clang on to me like am his life, and won't know anything else but me in his world. I love you….I love you so much…now you will never know what I truly feel for you. Darkness wrapped me in its world, for the meaning of my life is gone and I could never have my chance anymore to let him know how much I love him. The apartment was quiet except for my uncontrollable sobbing, a sound so heart-wrenching anyone would think am suffering from a disease that would kill me any minute, and that's how I feel right then and there. I wish I could die with you, Shuichi. My Shuichi.

His voice kept echoing in my head over and over again…calling me in his irritating, loud voice…

"Yuki!!!!!! Yuki!!!! Yuki!!!! I love you!!! I love you!!! I love you Yuki Eiri!!!!"

Now I won't hear it anymore. That voice would be silenced forever except in my memory. No one could call my name with so much love in them, with so much warmth. Baka. Baka saru. Stupid. Stupid monkey. Always clinging to my arm as if he would grew weak if he didn't get to have a chance to have a bit of contact with me, a touch, a hug…He would hug me so tight as if he wanted to absorb me in his skin. And no matter how many times I kick him or slapped him away, he would come back for more. As if the beating won't drive him away. He would complain, but he will still come close to hold me, to embrace me, to kiss me, to smell me…to absorb me in his system. I never thought anyone could love someone so much, that's how Shuichi loves me, he loves me with everything in him, with all of his being. Now am alone. Alone. Wrapped in my sadness…tormented by my grief and guilt. If only I didn't yell at him the last time I saw him. If only I bit my tongue and held my retort for the last time. If only I had been gentle or pretend to be gentle.

I was gonna call the studio to see what has been keeping him. I had this gnawing feeling inside me, that I couldn't concentrate on my work, that I keep writing the same sentence over and over again, that I finally stopped, his face keep appearing in my monitor, I keep hearing his voice calling me at the back of my mind. When I felt a cold draft touch my nape, I stood up and decided to see if he is on his way home and ask him what he wants for dinner. He has always been late but most of the time he calls, even though he knows I would hang up on him in the midst of his explanation. I picked up the phone, about to dial when it rang. I grumbled, figuring its my lover with his tirade of explanation for being late. But it was a different voice, sort of familiar but I couldn't recognize it because it was crying so hard and was choking on his words. It was Hiro. As the guitarist spoke, my heart clenched, my blood freezing in my veins, my body seeming to shut down on me. I stood there, staring into nothingness. Gripping the receiver so hard my knuckles are white.

Those three words hang on the line. Like the sentenced on my laptop that keeps repeating itself over and over again, initiating a painful slow motion sequence. Each syllable of each word echoed through my mind like a cutting knife: 'Shuichi is dead.'

The phone fell from my hands slowly, everything stopped, time stopped. My legs gave way, tripping me into the seat behind me. I hadn't cried, not once, since I received the news. I wanted to, I need to, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. My body won't allow it. Shuichi had been my everything. He'd been my heart, my soul, my everything. He was the only sure thing I had in this world. Now he was gone. And I was completely alone. So terribly and completely alone.

I made a sound at the back of my throat between a dry sob and a snort of disgust. I never told him I cared for him, not once did I ever told him how much I love him, that I need him in my life, that he is my life. That I wanted him to be a permanent fixture in my life. The last thing I told him was how much I hated him, that I wish I never met him ever. My heart clenched in my chest, I feel that am having a heart attack, the pain is so unbearable. I guess this is how it feels to have your heart broken. Oh, babe, I wish I could join you. I wish I could die with you. What is life without you? My world is gone now. I wish I didn't say those words to you, my love. I wish I would have told you how much I love you, I wish I had the chance to say goodbye to you, to say to you that you are my world that it would be the last thing you will hear, that my kiss would be the last thing you will feel, that my warmth will be the last your body will feel as I hug you close to me, to absorb the last of your warmth, to capture the last of your kiss, to inhale the last of your scent, the essence of you. My whole life died with you my darling Shuichi, my soul sucked from my body. You're the only one I have ever lived for, I wish I would have told you that.

I slumped on the floor, and that's when I started to feel tears streaming down my face, my chest tightening, my throat constricting with the pain that is eating at my gut.

"Shuichi." I choked, "Ai shiteru, Shuichi. I would be with you soon…" I cried with all the love I can muster and fell to my oblivion.

Owari


	2. What Is On Shuichi's Mind

Do you know what it feels like to be kept out in the dark? To be not told what's going on? To accept everything your lover does without expecting any explanation in return? Do you know how much that hurts Yuki? Do you know how it feels to just nod and agree to anything you say without knowing what it is about? I hate you Yuki, for making me this way, for making me love you so much and always keeping me in the dark, for always hiding what you really feel, for always keeping me at a distance. For not loving me back. I do understand you that you have a horrible past, that it would take some time for you to open up, to show your love, to trust again. But do you have to include me in the list of people not to trust? Am your lover, right? The one person who would do anything for you. Forget Tohma, forget Mika, but me, Shuichi Shindou, you should trust me. Because am your other half, I would do anything for you. I would die for you.


	3. Gravity At Rest

**Gravity At Rest**

**3rd Chapter of DARK fiction. Gravitation is not mine, characters are only borrowed for this fiction.**

I was staring at the monitor when Shuichi when in my study. "What do you want, brat? I told you not to go in here when I'm working." I said, irked that he didn't even knock.

He looked at me with pain in his eyes, "I just came to kiss you, Yuki. I won't be seeing you until tomorrow night." He explained in a little voice, his hand poised on my shoulder about to hold me.

"I hate you.: I said, closed my eyes, regret letting fatigue ruled my system. I can't take it back now. I heard a gasp. He didn't say or do anything else. He gripped his back pack tighter around him and walked out of the door.

"Shuichi!" I called, bolting upright, the chair turned upside down. But he was already gone. "Shuichi!" I called again, crying this time. My hands on my face, "I'm sorry, han. I'm sorry Shuichi. I love you." I sobbed uncontrollably, but the boy was already gone before he could hear what I really feel for him.

I wasn't able to work the whole day, I was crying the whole day. I was thinking of Shuichi the whole day. I've been fighting the urge to call him or go see him. I'm sure they won't mind if I did just for a few minutes.

I went out and got myself a six pack. And a pack of cigarettes. "Damn it, damn it! Damn it!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. What did that boy do to me? I asked myself, I couldn't stop thinking of Shuichi. I almost trash my own apartment going crazy over a boy, the affect he had on me, trying to get rid of the funk am in. So I sat down, exhausted myself from all these trashing about and all these things about the boy. So I decided to do what other things am good at, getting drunk, stone drunk and forget. Since I can't work anymore. Stupid kid.


	4. Second Chances

**Second Chances**

**4th Chapter of Dark Fiction. Gravitation is not mine, characters are only borrowed for this fiction.**

Yuki woke up in a hospital. He didn't remember what happened, he doesn't care anymore, ever since Shuichi died, he stopped living. He was sitting there, thinking it could never be, that he would not see Shuichi anymore, that he would not hear anyone call his name with so much love in them anymore.

Hiro walked in with the bag of groceries, "Oh, good, you're up." He said, putting down his helmet by the chair and put down his load by the bed side table.

"What are you doing here?" Yuki asked.

"Don't flatter yourself, Yuki san. Tohma asked me to bring you food because he's got a meeting he can't postpone." Hiro replied, preparing the older man something to eat.

He handed him some noodles, "Next time if you're gonna kill yourself, do it good, Yuki, you don't deserve him." Hiro said, with anger.

Yuki looked at him, he almost dropped the cup he was holding, Hiro grabbed for it before the older man spill it.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you don't deserve that. You're not to be blame for his death, Yuki. He was murdered, you didn't kill him, so stop blaming yourself for his death." Hiro said, trying to hold back his angry tears.

Hiro knew that Yuki would have killed Taki if he found out where that murderer was hiding, him and Yuki both. But they can't all accept why does Taki have to torture Shuichi before killing him, raping him again wasn't enough, sending Yuki the video tape how Shuichi beg to spare Yuki from the humiliation and public scandal, and how he tortured the boy, begging him not to touch his lover, that Taki can do anything he wants to him but not touch Yuki, enraged and insane, Taki went too far and killed Shuichi in his blinded and twisted jealousy.

"I love you, Yuki." Those were Shuichi's last words before he died, that's the last scene on the video before Taki kicked the screen. And Yuki was never the same since that day, he attempted to kill himself countless of times, guilty probably from not showing the boy how much he loves him before he died. But Hiro didn't know it goes way deeper than that.

Yuki began to cry, "I'm sorry Yuki, I'm so sorry." Hiro whispered, holding the older man's hand. Yuki cried harder, as if his pain was bottomless and cannot be consoled.

"I would rather have one breathe of his hair, one kiss of his lips, one touch of his hand than an eternity without it. One, Hiro, just one. If I could have a second chance, I would give up my own life to have him back." Yuki cried, looking at Hiro, not ashamed of his tears anymore, Hiro was looking at a broken man, this is no longer the Yuki that they knew.

Hiro pat him at the back, "He's living Yuki. Not just the way you think. Go on with your life, don't let Shuichi's death be meaningless." Hiro said. "Taki's time will come, we cursed him to hell and back, he would lived with his conscience until he dies or until we find him and kill him."

"I will tear him to pieces." Yuki whispered. "Save some for me, okay?" Hiro said, with a sarcastic smile.

Hiro grabbed his helmet, "Okay, am off. I hope to see you tomorrow, try not to kill yourself again, Yuki." He said, and with a wave he was out the door.

Yuki sat there, pulled his laptop closer, and touched that familiar sticker on his keyboard.

He added another picture, Shuichi's. Touching it fondly, with tears in his eyes, he wrote a letter to Shuichi again. The boy might not be there to read it, but he knew he will get to read it somehow, wherever he is.

And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't wanna go home right now

And all I could taste is this moment  
And all I can breath is your life  
And sooner or later it's over  
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's mad to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive  
And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am

**The World Never Saw Me,  
Only You Know Who I Am...**

When he finished typing, he also stopped crying, he felt a sharp pain in his chest, constricting his breathing, is this how it feels to die? He asked himself, take me with you, Shuichi. He said, closing his eyes clutching his chest.

Yuki felt hands, enveloping him, he can smell that familiar flavor, strawberry as he felt hair on his face, "Yuki, let it go. It's alright. It's time to go. I've been waiting for you, Yuki. Let it go." He heard, Shuichi's voice in his head, he didn't want to open his eyes, he was afraid, Shuichi will go if he did, so he held on to that familiar person who was holding him, feeling that familiar skin, that familiar scent, hearing that familiar voice.

"Shuichi, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Yuki cried.

"Shh….it's alright now, Yuki, it's alright. Let it go, let me go. It's alright to die now." Shuichi said, he felt the boy kissing him, kissing his face. Yuki cried, and gave back the kisses given to him.

"Shuichi, I love you, I love you Shuichi. I just want you to know that. I want you to know how I feel. I want my second chance, I can't live without you." Yuki cried/

"Then take my hand, Yuki han, it's time for us to go. I've been waiting for you, I don't want to go without you." Shuichi said, getting up, releasing his hold on his lover.

Yuki grabbed for him, "No, no! Don't leave me again, I can't live without you! Shuichi! I love you!" Yuki cried, so afraid now to open his eyes.

Yuki felt himself being lifted, "I'm here, Yuki. I'm not leaving without you, open your eyes, my love. I'm here, you're here with me." Shuichi said. Yuki cried, cried so hard, if he was dreaming this he didn't want to wake up, it felt so real, he was so afraid to open his eyes, he didn't want to lose his brat again.

There was a beeping sound from the distance, "Code blue! Code blue! Stat!" the overheard speaker squawked, he felt himself being lifted by numerous hands, he felt millions of bolts of electricity hammering through his body, "We're losing him!" Again!" He was pumped with electricity again for the nth time and then, nothing.

When Yuki opened his eyes, he was back at the hospital, there was no sound, he was watching the nurses and doctors trying to revive someone. He looked closely, he saw his laptop by the wall, it was him on that bed, so he died after all, he said to himself, he felt his presence before he looked at him, he bowed his head, crying, he couldn't believe it, he is here, he couldn't believe that he could be with that boy again, that he could say what he meant to say the last time they saw each other.

"Yuki." Shuichi called to him, tugging at his shirt. "S-Shuichi…I love you." Yuki cried, and turned around and hugged the boy so hard. Shuichi laughed. "I love you, too, Yuki. Let's go home." Shuichi said, kissing his lover with the most passionate kiss they have ever shared.

Owari

(Thank you for the band, Goo goo Dolls , for letting me borrow their song for this fiction. Hope you guys liked it. Finally gave it a good ending. So don't kill me now, okay? Hehehe.)


End file.
